Today, in the spirit of Barbara, I thought I'd write up a little story documenting what happened to me in the elevator the other day... By the way, Barbara is a good friend of mine who writes the most geniusly (is that even a word?) funny stories about her life and posts them on her MySpace Blog.

I work in an office complex. My company only owns the second floor, and down in the basement of this building, there are some tunnels that connect this building with the others in the complex. In these tunnels there are vending machines. So it's close to midafternoon, and I was feeling the need for some chocolate. I get my dollar bill and head to the basement via the elevator. As I get to the basement, there's a subdued ringing sound, and I think, "That's never happened before. I wonder what that sound is? So I'm looking around, and I realize that the emergency voicebox is ringing. About the same time I realize what it is, the ringing stops and some woman says, "Hello? Hello?"

I say, "Hi?"

"Is this Woodlands?" She asks.

"Yes, but it's the elevator."

"But is this Woodlands?"

"Yes, but you've called the elevator."

"I'm looking for Woodlands."

"Well, you've called the building, but you're talking to me through the emergency phone on the elevator." She must be a few crayons short if she's not getting this...

"I'd like to speak to reception please."

"I'm really sorry, but there are no buttons on this phone, and even if there were, I don't know the number for reception."

"But could you please just give me reception"

Very slowly: "You've.. called... the... emergency... phone... in.. the... elevator." How many times do I have to tell this woman?

It seems to dawn on her that I don't have the means to help her. And by now I've been to the basement, and then ridden the elevator all the way up to the 7th floor and stopped to let people on and off. They must think I'm a total nutcase, talking to the voicebox.

"I've just called the number in the phonebook," she says.

"Well," I say. "Maybe you should try information, instead, because this is the wrong number, clearly."

"Okay, but could you give me the reception desk?"

Seriously? ELEVATOR! There was no way to hang up on the lady, so I pushed the Basement button and wrode the rest of the way down listing to her say, "Hello? Hello? Is this Woodlands? Is anyone there? I need Reception."

I took the stairs back up.