I was driving to work today, and, as is my habit, listening to podcasts. And I got to thinking, again, that podcasting is something I think I could really get into. Not as a listener, but as a caster of pods... So my next thought was, what would I do a podcast on? Certainly I would only do something about which I am fairly knowledgable. Which leads me to my trio of obsessions: Alias, Star Trek, and Harry Potter. Harry Potter podcasts are many in number. Also, the Harry Potter fandom may be coming to a close soon. And I'd love to do a Star Trek podcast, but I think I might have a hard time finding a cohost, seeing as how I'm the only Star Trek fan I've ever met outside of my own immediate family... Which leaves me with Alias. I checked, and there is not a single podcast on Alias currently running. I realize, of course, that Alias is over. And, more than likely, they will never do a movie. But I love Alias. I know way more about the story line, behind the scenes stuff, and general trivia than anyone really has a right to know. Plus, many of my good friends are also into Alias, so it wouldn't be too hard to put together a podcasting crew and produce this show.

Of course, the very idea that I might put together a podcast simply shows that I have too much invested in these franchises. Someone should slap me and say, "Nicki, they are fiction. They don't exist in reality, and never did, and they don't matter in the grand scheme of things. Stop investing time and money (and when I say money, I mean all the DVDs, CDs, and books you buy) in these worthless, fictional ideas." And do you know what I say to that? I say, Screw that! This is my way of escaping my dull life. They give me something to think about. Star Trek, for example, is nothing more than the embodiment of an optimistic future. When we are constantly barraged with bad news about wars and starvation and disease, why not invest a little hope that something in our future will be good? Why not allow yourself the possibility of loving a character so dynamic that you wish with all your heart that Sydney Bristow could come over for dinner? Why not allow, for the tiny moment, that Hogwarts is out there this very minute, and that there are wizards and witches doing their best to make sure the world stays safe for all us muggles?

To all ten of you who read my blogs (I don't know who you are, since you never leave comments... hint hint), I ask, not for validation, but for comradery. Tell your stories. Don't be ashamed to own your fixations. Mine help me want to be a better person. And to anyone who would contradict me, I say:

I want to save the world. What's wrong with that?

Questions for the cosmic void

So this may be a little more of myself than I probably should post online, where all of my friends can see, but I need to put it somewhere. My roommates caught me crying last night, and I told them I didn't want to talk about it just then. But that won't hold them for very long, and I need to organize my thoughts, because I'm going to have to expain myself tonight, when I get home from work...

Also, a bit of a caveat... Pretty much I usually only write when I'm a bit on the depressed side.

Generally I'm a happy person, which explains the infrequency of my posts, I guess.

I've been really trying lately. By that I mean that I've been putting effort into my appearance.

I've been doing my hair, makeup, and thinking about my clothing choices more than normal. For those of you who know me pretty well, this is a switch for me. I'm much more comfortable in jeans and a disney t-shirt, with a baseball cap (usually with mickey mouse). Lately though, I'm wearing nice pants, fashionable shirts, and makeup. I'm doing my hair nearly every day. In the last two weeks, I've spent over $200 revolutionizing my wardrobe. In short, I'm doing my best to become one of those "Utah Mormon Girls."

On top of all of this, I'm excercising 4 days a week. I joined Weight Watchers with my roommate. I've lost 10 lbs in three weeks. I don't think I'm doing too badly.

When I was 20 years old, I was comfortable with the fact that individuals of the male gender didn't really take an interest in me. I wasn't ready for that whole universe anyway. But now, I'm motivated. I'm trying. And I'm getting nothing. At church yesterday, I looked dang cute. I sat down with some boys after church at our Linger Longer (for those who don't know, it's an excuse to eat food and mingle). My roommates were also there. And they got all the attention. 4 boys, with 3 girls. And I got nothing. I tried. I really did. It was like flirting with a blank wall. Everything I said seemed to disappear. Then, I had to endure all afternoon with my giggly roommates being all excited about these boys giving them attention. These boys that wouldn't even give me the time of day.

Later, at about 9:00, one of those guys, who spends a lot of time at our house anyway, came over to watch a movie. Only me and one other roommate were there. But it was like I wasn't even there. I hung around for as long as I could stand it, and then I excused myself.

So my question is, what's the point? If putting effort in gets me the same results as not putting in any effort, then why even try?

I haven't got much else new to say. Except that I'm feeling much better than I was last weekend. It's just a thing I go through every once in a while. Chalk it up to female hormones or whatever.

As far as new news goes though, I do have two dates set up for this week. They're both blind, so they should offer some interesting stories. I'll be sure to post them if they're any good. --- the stories, not the dates. Also, I've been running pretty regularly since I posted that thing about running. I'm up to being able to run for five minutes without stopping. My training program has me running eight minutes next week, and twenty the week after that. All I have to say about that is Yikes. But I'm looking forward to it in a sadistic kind of way. The more I run, the more I like it. I find myself looking around while I'm at the gym and counting myself in with all the other runners. Except for that one girl who kind of supports her body weight with her hands using the arm braces. That's cheating.

Old Post

Okay. So I hardly ever do this... In fact, I never do this. And to be totally honest, this in only the second blog I've ever written... But I feel like I need to say this out loud:

I'm tired of being single!

I don't even want a serious boyfriend... Just a good guy who's willing to let me cuddle with him while we're watching movies. A reliable date on friday nights. A nice guy who will hold my hand and slip off my glasses and tell me I'm beautiful. And if we occasionally digress into out-and-out make-out sessions every once in a while, I'd be okay with that (insert a wink here).

I may even be considering signing up for one of those internet dating services... In fact, I think I might have a yahoo profile... but it's been so long since updated it, it's probably been booted off.
So, I'm just tossing this out into the void. I don't know if anyone even actually reads my blogs.
But, if you do, and you know of any half-way decent guys (or you are a half-way decent guy) who are looking for a half-way decent girl, then send them my way, because, for heaven's sakes, I'm tired of being single...