Monsoons

Today is two years and one day from my first day of work at Kmart. Two years ago yesterday, I was showing up at my new job, full of hope and excitement. I walked in, in my snazziest business clothes, and introduced myself to my new boss. I don't remember how soon after that it was when I realized that this was not the career for me. Soon, I think. A couple of days, maybe. Especially after a I saw the number of hours I was required to work each week. Every manager at Kmart is scheduled a minimum of 50 hours, but they are expected to work many more than that. An average work week for me lasted 6 days (sometimes twelve, if my days off were on opposite sides of the week) and upwards of 65 hours. Once, during the holidays, I worked 22 days in a row. I'd get up in the morning and be at the store to open it at 5:45am. I'd stay all day, with a short lunch break, and if I was lucky, I'd get to leave around 8:00pm. This was only if one of the other managers was around to stay and close the store. If not, then I'd have to stay until 10:30 to close up.

I remember one week, we were supposed to have some visitors from the corporate office come to our store. These were the VPs of the company. If our store didn't look good, we'd get fired. I was supposed to go on vacation that week. I was going to meet my mom and grandma for a week in Florida. My boss called me a mere 10 hours before I was supposed to board the plane and told me that my vacation had been canceled, and that I was expected to do whatever it took to get my store in shape. I stayed and worked 20 - 22 hours a day through that whole week, and the VP never showed. He went to a different store instead. I realize now that I should have let them fire me.

They were a crappy company to work for. My bosses (there were three over the year) were jerks who didn't have any respect for me, my education, or my personal time. And I had to deal with two roommates who were absolute beasts. I have no idea why they didn't like me. My family, when they came to visit, even commented on the chilly atmosphere in our apartment.

The year I worked for Kmart was one of the darkest times I've yet to experience. No one, aside from my close friends and family, perhaps, really understand the place I was in.

The 7th of August last year was my last day. I think I posted a blog about that almost a year ago. I got to move away from there and start all over. More importantly, though, I got the chance to find myself again. I had lost who I was over that year.

A good friend of mine compared times like that year to monsoons. They're sudden, scary, and depressing. They make you feel so dark that you fear you'll never remember what sunshine is like. But of course, like all things, they end eventually, and the result is that life is more vibrant because of the downpour. Flowers bloom and the air is crystal clear.

Since I quit Kmart, this whole last year has been like a spring morning after a storm. I have good friends (even though my best friend, who never reads these, still refuses to move here), great roommates, a great ward. I'm dating consistently (lots of first dates...) and I have self confidence again. I learned a lot from that year too. I know now that a job doesn't have to own me. If I don't like how I'm being treated, I can quit and find something else. A job is a job, but who I am is important.

My life since then has been blissfully peaceful. I'm a little shocked and surprised that God has let me have this respite. And grateful too. Definately grateful. But I know it's coming. And this time, I hope I'll handle it better than I did two years ago...