Decisions

I think it may be time to move on with my life. I've been chillin' here in Ogden, just working, for over a year now, and I'm feeling the need for a bit of change. Actually, I might be content to stay like this for the rest of my life. But, as the saying goes, if you're not moving forward, you're moving backward. At least, I think that's how it goes... Anyway...

The thing is, I've come to this point -- the recognition that something needs to change -- and I don't know what to do. For most of my adult life I've been planning on going back to school to get a Graduate Degree in English. For the last six months, I've been telling everyone (my folks mostly) that I'm going back in January for a degree in Business Admin. It's easier to get into one of those programs, and, it seems to me, that it would be easier all together in terms of homework and projects and the like. The deadline for January admission is in three weeks. I can definately get everything together by then, I'm just not sure I want to.

You see, last night I had a moment of clarity... I thought, "Why the H would I go to school for an MBA, when all I really want to do is read and write and teach English?" But there were reasons that I decided to put off that dream six months ago. And they still stand. English, as a field of study, is hard. It's way harder than math and science. In those fields, you're either right or wrong. In English, everything is subjective. Also, an English Degree takes six months longer than an MBA. And fianally, in any Master's program for the Arts, you have to be fluent in a foreign language, which I am not, to say the least. I barely managed to pass Spanish in college.

All of that considered... All I have to say is I'm an English Major. I was an English Major when I read Charlotte's Web by myself in 1st grade. I was an English Major in Junior High when I used to read ahead of the class during the group reading time. I was even an English Major the whole time I was actually studying Business in college. It's part of me. It defines who I am.

My problem is, how do I reconcile who I am -- and who I want to be -- with the practical side of things? How do I justify giving up one future for another. And why is something so basic as this so hard for me to decide!?!

...Grrrr...